Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Stories That You Just Can't Make Up

So, I have written many blog posts in my mind over the last few months, but just have not had the time to sit down and write any of them.

Life has been crazy and about all I can say for the past few months is this:

We survived and hopefully thrived a little.

This past Saturday though sums up how life has been lately.

I went into town with Libby for both of us to get adjusted by the chiropractor.  Then stopped by the local grocery store for a small shopping run.  Afterwards I went by Joey's married travel soccer coaches' house to drop off our belated Christmas present to them.  Though both their vehicles were at home no one answered the door, so I just figured they were maybe taking a nap with their one year old daughter or something.  I decided to leave the Christmas present in their mini-suv as surprise....Now the soccer coaches live in a what locals call a "holler" around here...a little valley area between hills that locals were crazy enough to build their houses in way back when.....This holler is extra special because you have to drive over a small wooden bridge going across a creek to get to the houses.  Joey's coaches live in the first house on the right IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOU CROSS THE BRIDGE.    I mean immediately....there's the bridge and then there's their driveway.....it's a really tight holler.

Joey's coaches are wonderful people and the only reason he was able to play this fall was because they helped take him to and from practices and away games, so I've been there several times to drop/pick him up....I know that I have to crank the wheel hard when coming out of the driveway to miss the creek bank and end up in their neighbor's driveway so that I can turn around.....somehow that didn't happen this time.....I began slipping down the creek bank.....I slammed the trailblazer into four wheel drive-go forward, go backwards, over and over-but no movement forward-I just keep slipping backwards down towards the creek-and not only that-I am blocking the one way lane to get in and out of the holler....I try calling the wife's cell phone-no answer....go up to the door again to knock-still no answer....I take a deep breath and then call my hubby for help....just as I'm trying to explain to him that I need for him to drive the 20 minutes to come pull me out I look up and see one of the holler neighbors driving down the road towards me wanting to leave the valley....great, just great....still made the mistake of thinking, "Can this get any worse?"

....yes, oh yes, it can......

You see, it was a lovely older gentleman-the kind of gentleman that I would love to sit around and hear his stories, but not end up as "one of his stories."  I could just tell that he was still trying to figure out how I got stuck and why I couldn't get out.....and he couldn't figure out why I hadn't gotten the coaches to pull me out yet....I was trying to explain to him that they didn't answer the phone or door....but he went up and yelled and pounded on the door.  (Now why hadn't I thought of that-oh yeah, because they have a baby!.....)  I then called the husband's cell phone and he answered-but he wasn't home!  He was out hunting!  Just as I was trying to explain to him that the older gentleman wanted them to pull me out with their min-suv the wife coach came to the door....at this point there are four conversations going on: me with the husband on the phone, wife coach to me wondering what I am doing there-older gentleman to wife coach...older gentleman to me....in both cases the older gentleman is barking out orders informing us that he's going to have wife coach pull me out after he goes back home to get a strap.  Wife coach informs him that she's never done that before....he informs her, "That's okay.  I'll teach you what to do after I get back with a strap."  Then I hear him talking to someone else and realize that the older gentleman neighbor whose driveway I was suppose to turn around in has come out to join my humiliation party.

As I am walking towards my truck I see the second gentleman kneeling down by the back end of my truck-which I thought was weird, but thought maybe he's looking to see how stuck I am.  I kindly informed the first gentleman that my husband was already on his way to help pull me out to which he replies, "Oh, you don't want him to see you like this.  Call him back and cancel.  I'll get you out."  Inside I am thinking, "I didn't want any of you seeing me like this."

I begin walking back to my truck and I hear a cat meowing.....I look around and ask, "Is there a cat under my truck?"  To which the second gentleman replies, "I heard a cat meowing too, but didn't see one under your truck-you don't have one inside it?" "No, I don't have one inside it!  I just have a sleeping baby."  I kneel down again with wife coach and sure enough-there is a gray cat under my truck above the gas tank!!!!  We manage to coax the cat out from the truck.  I put it down on the ground and it immediately starts running under the first gentleman's returned truck, so I manage to catch it....no one is claiming it as a holler cat.  Wife coach doesn't want it in either of her vehicles or house because she is allergic to cats.  Neither of the older gentlemen will hold it while we try to get unstuck-though they both tease me about driving twenty minutes into town with a meowing cat under my truck.  I reply that I did no such thing-the cat must have crawled up at either the doctor's office or at the grocery store, which were both less than three minutes apart and about five minutes from the coaches' house.

So, now I'm attempting to be pulled out of the creek with a slim full size skinny strange gray cat running around in my truck because I am afraid it's going to get run over.  Wife coach gets me pulled out with directions from first gentleman....second gentleman unhooks the strap.  I thank everyone profusely, but I still have to "back out" of the holler making a "k turn" with all three of them watching me and a strange cat running around my truck that I am afraid is going to either eat my three pounds of bacon and/or wake up the baby.....and my truck's steering won't work correctly....I am cranking on it, but the wheel won't turn correctly.  Gentleman number one begins yelling out driving directions to me and has to back up his truck because I am making the "k turn" so wide.  I yell back a couple of times that my steering wheel doesn't seem to be working right.  Finally the turn is complete and I can leave.

Now I have the fun twenty minute ride with the cat...I have the thought that this cat could be psycho-it keeps running back and forth from the front seat to the back.  Thankfully it only went into my groceries once or I swear to God that I would have thrown it out of the truck on the major highway-there is no way that I was going to lose my bacon to a stray cat!  I try to keep the cat on my lap with little success.  It tries sniffing Libby and wakes her up.  I say a prayer asking for the cat not to eat her.  I coax it back on my lap and it begins trying to sniff my face-I cringe thinking, "What if it attacks my face!"  At two different points it climbs up onto the top of my head to try to sniff my face-will this car ride never end?!  My guardian angel pulled off the one hard right turn I had to make to get home safe-thankfully there were not any cars in the oncoming lane of traffic.

My entire family thinks it's great that we got another barn cat out of my humiliation....I'm still not so sure.  The cat has followed me from side to side of our house meowing to be let in.....I say it needs to work off the tab it owed me from the car ride to our house in dead barn rats....not sure on it's name yet.  The kids are fighting over "Shadow" and "Smokey"....I say it should be "Creek" or "Miracle" or "Humility."

I just bought some "steering wheel fluid that stops leaks/squeals" and am really hoping that we just have a leak and not any busted lines.

I'm also hoping that if any of you decide to play "secret santa" that you don't slip into any creek beds!!!

Wishing you the gift of being able to see God's sense of humor in life,